N is for New York

A is for acronyms: NoHo (North of Houston), SoHo (South of Houston), NoLita (North of Little Italy). Aarrrgh, be a little more creative can’t you?

B is for bloody as in bloody hell. I miss that phrase, along with many other English-isms. When New Yorkers get mad they say "get outta here". Not quite the same now is it?

C is for commercials. The adverts in this country are truly diabolical. You can advertise just about anything from asthma inhalers and sleeping pills to KY Jelly (pre-watershed) and make wild claims about products. Even politicians advertise (often with their children which I find in very bad taste). I hate to say it but our ad agencies put the US guys to shame (sometimes).

D is for dogs. New Yorkers LOVE their dogs. They dress them up and carry them around in stupid bags. You can even put your pooch into day care if you work and don’t have access to a dog walker. There are pet shops everywhere and a dog show just about every week.

E is for eating out. You can find just about any kind of cuisine you want here, from Argentinean to Vietnamese and it is much easier to eat healthily as well. There’s a Deli on every corner and most are open 24 hours a day. I will lose that muffin top!

F is for fashion. Forget it, it doesn’t really exist here. If you have lots of money and can afford to go to Bloomingdales and Barneys then yes, I guess fashion is great. If you are looking for fast fashion that us Brits do so well then you might as well go home. There is no Top Shop equivalent here. Jeans are much cheaper here and so is Cashmere but don’t think you’re going to find that Marc Jacobs-esque jumper for $50. Also fur is huge here and I find that really disturbing. It’s everywhere and sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real and what isn’t. I steer clear of anything furry just in case it was once a Bunny.

G is for the gym. New Yorkers are incredibly fit. They run, skate, cycle everywhere and it’s putting me to shame. I feel incredibly unfit next to these people (see my previous blog about the gym).

H is for highway. There’s one right outside our apartment and it takes a while to get used to the noise. But you do eventually, I guess it helps coming from a big, loud city in the first place.

I is for Iraq (pronounced I-Rack). It’s on the news everyday. In fact, it’s the only world news that’s ever covered. World News means news from outside the state here.

J is for Jelly. That’s jam to you and me. Jelly is called jello, crisps are called chips, spring onions are called scallions and rocket is called arugula. Got that? No, me neither.


K is for kitchens. Most kitchens in New York City are tiny. Space is at a premium and why do you want a big kitchen if you can eat out cheaply and healthily any day of the week?

L is for ‘Lost’, the best thing on TV at the moment. Guys, if you’re British and love the show, season 3 is great! Sorry I am a ‘Lost’ geek and I apologise!

M is for movies. We went to see ‘The Departed’ a few weeks ago. It was good but very violent with lots of swearing and a few sex scenes. Imagine my surprise when a woman sat down in front of us with two young boys. They were probably about 10 and 12. In the US kids can watch pretty much anything as long as they’re with an adult. Would you want your kids to watch a film where people get their hands broken with bricks? No, neither would I.

N is for New Yorkers. Contrary to popular belief they are generally a polite bunch. They never shove you out of the way for a seat on the subway, often hold doors open for you and sales assistants actually don’t mind helping you (as opposed to chatting to their colleague and ignoring you). They really do put Londoners to shame.

O is open 24 hours. This really is the City that never sleeps.

P is for prices. Pretty much everything is cheaper here, from transport and food to manicures and jeans. It is a shopaholics paradise.

Q is for queue. It’s a line here, not a queue. They are quite good at it though.

R is for rest-room. It’s not a toilet and in fact, that’s a dirty word here. It’s actually considered rude to ask for the toilet. Think I might ask where the Khazi is next time…

S is for sirens. You can’t hear yourself think for sirens. They go off every five minutes and they make the worse noise ever.

T is for TV. It’s crap. ‘Wheel of Fortune’ and ‘Jeopardy’ are on EVERY NIGHT and there are million and one dreadful soaps where the sets shake. I thought that ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’ stopped airing in the 1980s. The best things on TV here are ‘Lost’ and ‘Greys Anatomy’ and we have them at home.

U is for….umbrella. Sorry, can’t think of a U.

V is for variety. You want a decaf skinny extra hot Latte with a shot of no sugar vanilla syrup? You got it.

W is for weather. The weather here is weird, we’ve had freezing cold days, torrential rain, howling winds and oh, yesterday it was 70 degrees.

X is for….oh, c’mon now, I’m not that good.

Y is for yellow cabs. You can always get a cab, there are millions of them and they are very cheap. Just don’t expect the driver to a. know where he’s going, b. speak much English and c. be cheerful.

Z is for zonked. That’s me and I’m outta here.