Happy New Year and all that baloney

I really hate New Years Eve. Call me a miserable so and so if you like but I just hate the whole ‘Auld Lang Syne’ crap. I mean, does anyone actually know what the words mean? Go and google it, I dare you. And then learn all the words.

New Years Eve is a bit like Valentines Day. Everything costs twice the price and restaurants introduce Prix Fixe menus which is French for “Lets serve them crap and make em pay through the nose” Cabs are non-existent and if you can find one it costs double and if you live in the Northern Hemisphere its bloody freezing.

Do I sound like a 95 year old yet? Good.

I hate the fact that drunken strangers kiss you and wish you a Happy New Year. You can bet your bottom dollar that you could be standing next to that person on the Tube on January 2 and they wouldn’t even look you in the eye. They’d probably even shove you out of the way for that last seat.

For the last few years I’ve stayed in, eaten chocolate and then retired to bed about 11.30 with ear plugs. Oooh I love being a rebel!

The last time I went out “properly” for New Years was Millennium Eve. We went to a party somewhere in Essex and had to leave pretty sharpish at about, oooh, ten passed midnight after a massive fight broke out. My cousin who was driving sprained her ankle and it took us forever to drive back through the centre of London because everyone was out getting drunk in Trafalgar Square. Oh yeah, and that was the year the world’s technology was supposed to crash and burn. Apparently someone forgot to set the computer to 00. As if. I mean, you spend your life creating amazing new technology and then forget that in 2000 the last two digits would be 00. Oh please.

The Tube is free on New Years Eve. Great. Have you ever tried to use it? You have to wait for about an hour to get into the tube station due to overcrowding and then another 30 mins to get on a train that isn’t full to the rafters with drunks.

And what are we going to be this New Years Eve? Cruising round New York Harbour on a boat with lots of foreigners of course. We refrain from using the word tourist because we know how the subway works and don’t need a map to get around (most of the time).

Hey, we might not ever be in New York for New Year again so I thought we’d make an exception. When in Rome right?