St Valentine's Day

If there’s one day of the year I hate the most (apart from the first day back at work after a holiday – imagine how I am going to feel when I have to go back after almost 12 months of not working) its St Valentines Day.

All that pink and red heart shaped crap is enough to make me want to projectile vomit.

I am proud to say that I have never received a Valentine’s card in my life (I don’t count the one my mum sent me when I was 12). I feel sorry for those women who get sent roses on February 14 and then have to carry them home on the Tube. Ooh I can hear you all now – she’s only jealous you’re thinking. Oh please. Jealous of the fact that my boyfriend/admirer/stalker is willing to pay over the odds for a bunch of red (blurrgh) roses? I don’t think so. I’d rather he gave me the money and I spent it on a new pair of shoes.

Once when I was about eight I sent my mum a card. I pretended that I was going outside to play with my friends and I surreptitiously posted in through the letter box. She never guessed it was from me….and that’s my point. Valentines Day is for children. It’s about going to school and seeing how many cards your friends received. As I mentioned before I have never received one. But don’t feel sorry for me. I was a miserable, cynical child (no change there then) and I couldn’t care less.

I walked past a card shop yesterday and the whole shop front was plastered with hearts and teddy bears. It looked like a big pink toy shop. And what about all the dreadful heart shaped cakes and chocolates you can buy?

My worst nightmare would be to go to a restaurant on Feb 14 and sit there with a bunch of other couples gazing into each other’s eyes. It would be as bad as going on one of those dreadful ‘couples only’ holidays. Sheer torture.

If you are thinking about buying a card or booking a restaurant think again. Instead of wasting your money give it to a good cause. If you can only show your loved one how you feel on the most commercial day of lurve of the year then you have some serious emotional issues that you need to deal with. Sorry. As I said I was a miserable, cynical child and I really haven’t changed.