The truth behind words

Low Fat – Won’t help you lose weight and will help to rot your teeth.

I’m fine – I’m not bloody fine (woman). I’m fine (man).

I’ll call you – If you are the last person on earth and I need to hide in your nuclear bunker.

I’ve got the flu - I have a slight cold (man). I feel awful, my body aches and I have a fever (woman).

That’s really interesting – That is the most mind numbingly boring thing I have ever heard.

I have a single friend you’d really like – I have a friend who bugs me relentlessly to set them up. He/She is desperate for a shag.

Buy one, get one free – You don’t need this product and don’t even use it but if we make it feel like you are getting a bargain we know you’ll buy it. Sucker.

Sale – Bargains galore (woman). A load of crap which didn’t sell last season (man).

It was a bargain – I don’t really need it but it was cheap and I could see another woman eyeing it (woman). I bought this widescreen TV and I got a DVD player for free (man).

Guaranteed results – We guarantee that you will be ripped off (read the small print idiot).

Would you mind turning that down? – Your crap music is driving me mad and if you don’t turn it off I will smash your CD player.