I hate winter

OK, I’m going to have a moan. Today it’s -12 degrees. It’s freezing. When I went out earlier I thought my lungs were going to freeze over. The wind cuts right through you. It’s horrible. I hate it.

In case you hadn’t worked it out I don’t like winter very much. I often think about doing a bear and hibernating until Spring. Then someone told me that bears don’t hibernate for the whole of winter – they have to emerge to scoff more food. Hmmm, I quite like the idea of sleeping for four months. Why can’t they just stock pile?

I hate the fact that you have to wear so many layers you end up looking like a Sumo wrestler. And the fact that it takes about 15 minutes to take all your layers off. Inevitably you end up losing one glove or your nice new woolly hat.

I have almost passed out on the tube because it’s so damn hot and I have nowhere to put my coat. I think London Underground should install coat racks during the winter time.

Yesterday it snowed. Snow looks pretty for about an hour. Then people start walking over it and cars turn the pristine white stuff to a grey, horrible mess. And don’t get me started on salt. Not only does it ruin your shoes by leaving horrible white stains but it also gets into doggies paws and makes them sore.

Yes I hate winter. Central heating makes your skin dry out, hats make your hair go flat and you look like a yeti.

And don’t get me started on summer. Having to show off your wobbly bits, having to use fake tan so you don’t scare the locals who might think you were a ghost….