Maybe its because I'm a Londoner

I have lived in London my whole life. I even went to University in the big smoke. Sometimes I get a wee bit homesick and there are some things I really miss about my dirty, smelly and expensive home town:

1. John Lewis. The closest thing here is probably Macy's and you need a whole day to get round the bloody thing. All I want is a needle and thread. I don't want to have to travel up eight escalators to get it.

2. Cab drivers that actually know where they're going and don't drive like madmen. Also cab drivers who smile and don't try to pull out before you've even got the door shut.

3. Being able to go into a sandwich shop and not be faced with a million questions: which bread would you like, which dressing....Enough already. It's great having a choice but sometimes you just want a cheese sandwich. That's it.

4. Decent TV. Yes, I may have 30+ channels to choose from but most of them are rubbish. I miss the BBC and specifically that gorgeous guy in Spooks.

5. Being able to watch the news without thinking that the world begins and ends with the US. Their definition of world news is news that actually comes from outer state (that's state, not space, although I feel like an alien sometimes, particulary when I order a blueberry smoothie. For some reason that word baffles them everytime).

6. Being able to listen to a radio station that plays more than one kind of music. Here, everything is compartmentalised - rap, soul, rock, indie. They seem to assume that if you listen to rap then you don't listen to rock.

7. Decent shoes. Ohmygod, I need an Office or a Faith. The shoes here are awful. The only decent ones cost squillions of dollars (Choo's, Manolo's etc.)

8. Being able to cross the road safely (here, cars can turn into a street on a red light - its very annoying).

9. Dogs that are treated like dogs. Its the fashion here to carry round them round in poncey little bags. Dogs like to walk, not be carried around like some stuffed animal. Put him down.

10. Chocolate. They just don't make it right here. I am having withdrawl symptoms for a Dairy Milk.

Things I don't (and won't) miss about London.

1. The prices - the subway is $2 per ride and you can travel anywhere you want. There's none of that zone rubbish.

2. Dog poo. Where I live you have to watch your step because its everywhere - if you don't clean it up here you are fined. I like that.

3. Chuggers - I hate those annoying people who try and stop you in the street by blocking your way. You can't walk down Regent Street without encountering at least 10.

4. The Tube. Its dirty, smelly and very expensive. Its also full of twats who would fight you to the death for that last seat. Have it, you look like you need to sit down - all that extra weight and all that.

5. Londoners. Let's face it, Londoners are rude and obnoxious (see tube). They don't hold doors open, push their way on the tube before people have got off. Contrary to popular belief New Yorkers are very polite. They hold doors open and don't fight for seats on the subway. Its just more...civilised.

I have run out of complaints which I guess means I really am a Londoner at heart.

"Maybe its because I'm a Londoner, la la la..."