Spot the Drunk

I like to talk about drunk people and binge drinking – I did it every day for four years in my last job so it’s a topic close to my heart.

In my last blog I talked about the fact that there are no drunk people in New York. This time I thought it would be fun to talk about the different types of drunk you see on a night out. Recognise anyone you know?

Weeping Wendy

Wendy really can’t handle her drink. After a couple of G&T’s the water begins to flow. She cries about the fact that she hates her job, that she’s still single, that her ex boyfriend who dumped her five years ago is now happily married, that she needs to lose weight, that she never has any money (too many G&T’s). Everything. At the end of the night Wendy’s the one in the toilets wailing while her friends pass her tissues. If you want to know why there’s never any loo roll, ask Wendy.

Peter the Peacock

The more Peter drinks, the more he thinks he’s the best looking, most intelligent man in the room. He preens and pushes out his chest just like a Peacock. He thinks he has all the best chat up lines and works the room like he’s George Clooney. Trouble is Peter is 40, balding and lives with his mum. Poor Peter.

Suzy the Slapper

Suzy’s the kind of girl who dances on tables, snogs strangers and shows everyone her knickers. She likes to drink cocktails with innuendo-laced names like Slow Comfortable Screw and Screaming Orgasm. She’s really classy and after a few tacky cocktails she really is anyone’s.

Andrew the Aggressor

By day Andrew is a normal bloke with a normal job. He might have a decent girlfriend and a mortgage.

By night, and after a few drinks, Andrew is a violent thug who likes to cause trouble and pick fights.

Vomiting Vicky

Poor Vicky. She never learns. She has a few glasses of wine and whoosh, she vomits. Usually in a very public place which really annoys and embarrasses her friends. Vicky needs to remember drinking on an empty stomach is never a good idea.


Sleazy Stevie

He’s the one propping up the bar and eyeing up all the ladies. Stevie sometimes pretends to be Mario, the Italian Stallion but he’s really from Pinner. If you’re standing by a bar and you feel a hand on your bum, that’ll be Stevie. He often sports a black eye.