Pretentious shops

London and New York are very similar in lots of ways. Right down to areas sometimes. Take SoHo, for example. Like its namesake in the UK, SoHo is full of pretentious people who wear sunglasses when it’s raining and poseurs who hang around in cafes all day. Don’t they have jobs to go to?

SoHo is home to lots of pretentious clothes shops as well. You know, the kind which look more like art galleries. All white walls and minimalism. I hate these shops. I think they should be turned into branches of Starbucks.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for promoting independent stores and I think some chain stores should be banned from opening branches in certain areas (I mean how many coffee shops do you need on Upper Street?) but I hate all things pretentious. And that includes clothes shops which employ vacuous twits who think that they are there just to look good. I also really hate shops which have in-house DJ’s. I mean, come on, imagine telling people what you did for a living. Er, I’m a DJ. In a clothes shop. It’s as bad as saying you’re a bouncer in McDonalds.

There’s a shop in SoHo, it’s huge but the rails in the shop only have two or three items on them. I have looked in the window of this shop many times and the sales assistants just look bored. They stand around trying to look really cool but anyone who walks passed can see that they are bored out of their tiny minds. Why would you want to work in a place like this?

Personally I’d rather work in Sainsbury’s. OK, the uniform isn’t as nice but at least you wouldn’t be bored. If you worked in the Camden branch you could watch all the shoplifters. That would be quite entertaining.

I remember a shop in London (now closed, I wonder why?) where you had to ring a doorbell to get in. Often it would turn away people because they didn’t look right. That just makes me want to scream. What is with these people? They really need to climb out of their backsides.

One day I’m going to go into one of these poncey shops and try to annoy the sales assistants as much as I possibly can. I’ll do this buy asking them when their sale starts (they hate this and they will think I am poor white trash) and then asking them for an item in a size 16. Imagine the look of terror.